Untitled (Lost For Always, Take Two)
by justanothermarionette
Summary: A second go at 'Lost For Always.' I think this one will be generally better. Guess we'll find out? Anyway, junior year Santana having all the feels for her English teacher, Miss Quinn Fabray. Let me know what you think guys! Please?


** Untitled  
(soon to change)**

Sixteen is a hard age for anyone. The teen years in general. And I'm not a fucking idiot so I know these things.

But I have to be some kind of fucking idiot to have gotten myself into this.

The moment I first saw her I knew… I knew I'd really have to be careful with my imagination on this one. At that point, four months ago, I'd already known for a while that I'm gay. It's not exactly been easy to accept about myself, seeing as my father liked to rant about faggots and sinners when I was a young girl, but I was doing ok. After all, my father wasn't in my life anymore for a reason. Maybe that reason was because he was a stupid asshole. So maybe I'm not a sinner. Maybe there isn't even anybody up there to judge me. It's probably just all these dickheads down here that I have to learn not to worry about.

I'm in a pretty good place with myself. It hasn't been easy but it could definitely be a lot harder.

And this woman… God, why did this have to happen? I knew. I knew and I just let it go until I was too wrapped up to care that wasn't supposed to get here.

This new English teacher walked into my classroom on the first day of school this year, four months ago. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were golden. Her lips were… unreal. And that was just her face.

That night, after the first day of my junior year, Miss Fabray was all I could think about. The way her body moved, the way her voice sounded in my ears. It was just her everything. And I remember thinking, 'If I don't watch myself, I'll lose it.'

Sixteen is a hard age. We're not always right. But hey, do I know myself or fucking what?

Four months later and Miss Fabray is still all that I think about. The way her eyebrow quirks at me sometimes, the way she laughs outside of class. I'm totally lost; dazed. How could I have let this happen? How, when I knew it would happen, did I let myself get lost in someone so completely unavailable? And I know, I've heard, sixteen can be a silly age. We fall for the first person we meet because they fucking smile at us. But this feels different. I can't explain it, as I've never thought about a woman as - passionately? - obsessively as I think about Miss Fabray. But it doesn't feel silly like some things do. Like, when Brittany tells me she has a new boyfriend two days after she told me she had a new boyfriend. I mean, come on. Britt; gotta love her but that's fucking silly. And I don't date because I'm afraid but if I did date I'm pretty sure I would've stopped this year, when I met Miss Fabray. I would've felt ruined for any other girl until I could burn myself out on her.

I'm nowhere close to burned out and that's what's scaring me.

My lunch and after school visits to Miss Fabray have become daily. And neither of us sees anything wrong with this, or at least we don't speak about those things. We talk about literature and how sometimes 'teenage drama' is actually just human drama. Like when a student falls for her (female) teacher.

Ok, so we haven't actually covered that. The 'lesbian' thing or the 'have my babies and be with me forever' thing. And the thing that scares me is that I find myself thinking, 'in due time.'

No! Not in due time!

Miss Fabray is my teacher, for fuck's sake. There is no time, there's just school. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm so, so lost in this woman and I saw it coming and did absolutely nothing to stop it from happening. In fact, the fantasies and fucking poetry encouraged this. And now I'm a silly fucking sixteen year old, half in love with her English teacher.

Fuck my life.

AN: So if you guys like this let me know. I'm feeling kind of like writing lately. Wanted to test the waters with this. I'll definitely be working on this one. I have not abandoned "Slowdance On The Inside." I really hope to come back to that soon. And this is kind of take two on "Lost For Always." More background, more realistic pacing, I think. So? Please let me know if you'd like a chapter after this :-)Untitled

(soon to change)

Sixteen is a hard age for anyone. The teen years in general. And I'm not a fucking idiot so I know these things.

But I have to be _some _kind of fucking idiot to have gotten myself into this.

The moment I first saw her I knew… I knew I'd really have to be careful with my imagination on this one. At that point, four months ago, I'd already known for a while that I'm gay. It's not exactly been easy to accept about myself, seeing as my father liked to rant about faggots and sinners when I was a young girl, but I was doing ok. After all, my father wasn't in my life anymore for a reason. Maybe that reason was because he was a stupid asshole. So maybe I'm not a sinner. Maybe there isn't even anybody up there to judge me. It's probably just all these dickheads down here that I have to learn not to worry about.

I'm in a pretty good place with myself. It hasn't been easy but it could definitely be a lot harder.

And this woman… God, why did this have to happen? I knew. I _knew _and I just let it go until I was too wrapped up to care that wasn't supposed to get here.

This new English teacher walked into my classroom on the first day of school this year, four months ago. Her cheeks were pink and her eyes were golden. Her lips were… unreal. And that was just her face.

That night, after the first day of my junior year, Miss Fabray was all I could think about. The way her body moved, the way her voice sounded in my ears. It was just her everything. And I remember thinking, 'If I don't watch myself, I'll lose it.'

Sixteen is a hard age. We're not always right. But hey, do I know myself or fucking what?

Four months later and Miss Fabray is still all that I think about. The way her eyebrow quirks at me sometimes, the way she laughs outside of class. I'm totally lost; dazed. How could I have let this happen? How, when I knew it would happen, did I let myself get lost in someone so completely unavailable? And I know, I've heard, sixteen can be a silly age. We fall for the first person we meet because they fucking smile at us. But this feels different. I can't explain it, as I've never thought about a woman as - passionately? - obsessively as I think about Miss Fabray. But it doesn't feel silly like some things do. Like, when Brittany tells me she has a new boyfriend two days after she told me she _had _a new boyfriend. I mean, come on. Britt; gotta love her but that's fucking silly. And I don't date because I'm afraid but if I did date I'm pretty sure I would've stopped this year, when I met Miss Fabray. I would've felt ruined for any other girl until I could burn myself out on her.

I'm nowhere close to burned out and that's what's scaring me.

My lunch and after school visits to Miss Fabray have become daily. And neither of us sees anything wrong with this, or at least we don't speak about those things. We talk about literature and how sometimes 'teenage drama' is actually just _human _drama. Like when a student falls for her (female) teacher.

Ok, so we haven't actually covered that. The 'lesbian' thing or the 'have my babies and be with me forever' thing. And the thing that scares me is that I find myself thinking, 'in due time.'

No! Not in _due time_!

Miss Fabray is my teacher, for fuck's sake. There is no time, there's just school. What the fuck is wrong with me? I'm so, so lost in this woman and I saw it coming and did absolutely nothing to stop it from happening. In fact, the fantasies and fucking poetry encouraged this. And now I'm a silly fucking sixteen year old, half in love with her English teacher.

Fuck my life.

* * *

**AN: So if you guys like this let me know. I'm feeling kind of like writing lately. Wanted to test the waters with this. I'll definitely be working on this one. I have not abandoned "Slowdance On The Inside." I really hope to come back to that soon. And this is kind of take two on "Lost For Always." More background, more realistic pacing, I think. So? Please let me know if you'd like a chapter after this ****J**


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